We are all deeply saddened by recent news reports indicating that Playboy founder and millionaire ladies man Hugh Hefner has fired all three of his girlfriends. Yes, this does indeed refer to his three costars from Girls Next Door -- Holly, Kendra and Bridget.

Naturally, all three ladies have declared that they will remain in mourning -- and chaste -- for the foreseeable future. After a few years of the 85-year old Hefner's Viagra-induced friskiness, who can blame them if they need to take a timeout to recuperate? And get rid of that old man smell.

As for all those scandalmongers who have been claiming that the ladies merely stayed with Hef because he was incredibly rich, famous, paid them money for sex, and promised them showbiz careers, well, I hope they're happy because they now officially have less chance of getting invited to party with Hef at the Playboy Mansion than Screech from Saved by the Bell. And Screech is a well-known douchebag who never gets invited to parties so those are really low odds indeed.

See also Hef's Newest Employee.