« This Is HUGE, No Thanks to Paris Hilton »

So it seems Paris Hilton is trying to trademark the use of the word HUGE. Her goal is to get paid every time a celebrity or public figure uses HUGE to mean "really cool" or "super hot!"

Paris Hilton sucks on something. And has a brainstorm! This is HUGE.

In fact, Paris Hilton recently pimped her HUGE movement on The Jimmy Kimmell Show. Notice Paris Hilton's sophisticated discussion of "brands" and HUGENESS.

For anyone who doubts Paris Hilton's shrewdly calculated crazy cool sexiness, be sure to watch her video debut from a few years ago: One Night in Paris. Until her sex tape came out, Paris Hilton was even less famous than Kim Kardashian was before HER sex tape came out. And that was not HUGE.

One Night in Paris is not hot.

Despite being so HAWT, Paris Hilton was surprisingly lifeless in her sex tape debut. Like a mannequin with slightly faker boobs. In fact, it's been said, by me, that I have seen love dolls with more energy in the sack. And not even the high-class fancy ones you got to send away for.

Will Ferrell made the right choice. Sorry, Paris Hilton.

According to Hollywood lore, even famed octogenarian actress Betty White is more fun between the sheets than Paris Hilton.

You looking for a good time, sailor?

And maybe even Bea Arthur.

Actress Bea Arthur was better at everything than Paris Hilton.

And, yes, I know the Golden Girl's current status.

Paris Hilton's strategy to profit off HUGE has been to repeat it endlessly to her legions of followers on Twitter.

Sadly Paris Hilton's HUGENESS appears to be the gift that will keep on giving.

One day after Paris you'll wake up with a HUGE surprise.

So be careful, people. Your next moment of HUGE could cost you big bucks. And if anyone knows how to make some scratch off of absolutely nothing, it is Paris Hilton.