« Learn Well From Master Po, Young Grasshopper, Whatever the Hell He Is Saying »

Young Grasshopper learned much from Master Po. For an insect.

Much like Keanu Reeves, I know Kung Fu. And how to live on the couches of others for months on end. Just as Master Po taught Keanu and me many valuable life lessons, so too he taught Caine, better known as Young Grasshopper, the art and wisdom of KUNG FU.

Perhaps the most important lesson taught by Master Po is below. Read it, learn it, live it. For it will lead to enlightenment. And a decrease in your Thetan* count.

If a man dwells on the past, then he robs the present. But if a man ignores the past, he may rob the future. The seeds of our destiny are nurtured by the roots of our past.

You have now achieved enlightenment. The final step toward nirvana is to empty your mind. If you're a regular visitor, this should not be too tough. For first-timers, vodka may be required. Good luck. Just remember: be the spoon; if there is even a spoon to begin with. Young Grasshopper.

See also The Way of the Pig.

*Brain cooties.