How to Become a "Celebrity Judge" at a Bikini Contest...in 5 Easy Steps! - Celebrities

Saturday

Sep132008

« How to Become a "Celebrity Judge" at a Bikini Contest...in 5 Easy Steps! »

16 more reasons to work the plan.

This might be the most important post in the history of this comedy blog, at least for fans of boobs.

And if you're a fan of this site, you're a fan of at least one boob. So why not make it two, or even 16, as with the hot bikini chicks above.

1. Fake you're a celebrity till you, uh, make it. Yeah, I know. Easier said than done. But the key is the air quotes around the word "celebrity." You don't have to be a major superstar like Corey Haim or that douchebag from Real World. But you need something the contest promoter can say about you, other than "Likes boobs, hoping to get laid."

Be creative. This is showbiz for make shit up. And remember: it's not a lie if you believe it.

2. Find the bikini contest promoters. Before you can be paid, in drinks, if you're lucky, to judge hot chicks in bikinis and, if they're drunk enough, hook up with one or all of the contestants, you need to know where the action is at.

Use Google and your local newspapers. Your hoochie mama friends will likely know as well.

3. Be the bikini! It ain't no secret, it's just common sense: believe to achieve! You're trying to judge HOT CHICKS IN BIKINIS...who will be highly motivated to flirt, dance, booty shake, exchange digits, and give and receive, uh, body shots. C'mon, my friend.

Keep your eyes on the prizes!

4. Practice your pitch. Write down your spiel to the promoter and practice like your life depends on it. Because it does.

Be friendly, be confident and keep it under a minute. The pitch, not the deed!

5. Don't take "no" for an answer. Act "as if" you are the celebrity you claim to be. Give the promoter your contact information, your web address if any, and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

This is your time to live the dream. You owe it to yourself, your male friends and any future children and grandchildren, so that one day you, too, can say, "That reminds me of the time I was a celebrity judge at a bikini contest and...."