« Fast Times with Damone's 5-Point Plan »

Men have died trying to obtain this valuable information.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High is filled with helpful advice that applies to anyone, whether or not you care if your booty call "comes, stays, lays or prays." I suggest you commit the following passage to memory. You won't regret it.

First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Below is the video of Mike Damone sharing his wisdom with Young Grasshopper.

See also The Rules According to Chazz.