EXCLUSIVE: U.S. Senator Barack Obama of Illinois has shocked the world by choosing Senator Hillary Clinton as his vice-presidential running mate. The formerly bitter rivals will now campaign across the country under their new campaign slogan, "Kumbaya."

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UPDATE: Hey, it could happen. And if, uh, when it does, remember you can blame it on this comedy blog. For even more screwed-up politics click here.

As a great man, John, married to a bad woman, Yoko, once said,"There is good and bad in everyone." But sometimes, when you want to sell a book, you make shit up, or so I would imagine, but in this case, we are talking about some stone cold truthiness, or the total lack thereof, from the holiest of media holies, Barbara Fricking Walters, the Queen of the Weepy Celebrity Interview.

And the relevation in question comes from Barbara herself, too, as she's been telling everyone in her latest grasp at cultural relevance, aka selling the latest version of her autobiography.

It seems, according to Barbara Walters, that she was doing the dirty with U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, a Michigan Republican, back in the 1970s and, oh yeah, Senator Brooke was a married dude and, damn, I'm not even going to mention it but...he was and, shockingly enough, still IS, meaning he's alive, MARRIED, and, oh yeah, did I mention, holy moly, that he's ALSO African American?!

Anyway, we at MikeDoe.net are big fans of the hoobidy joobidy ESPECIALLY when it's with someone who is cute, sexy, successful and bodacious, but....Babwa Wawa has kind of made a name for herself by expressing MORAL OUTRAGE at the various transgressions, moral, ethical, occupational and, oh yes, sexual, of her various celebrity guests throughout the past 80 years.

Maybe I'm being a stickler but doesn't this kind of make her a wee bit of a hypocrite? And this is not to claim that Mike Doe, Intern Bob or any member of this lovely comedy blog is NOT guilty of the above transgressions, BUT...we never pass moral judgment on anybody! Because that would be some serious crazy talk, knowwhatimean?

Peace out, Babwa, and GOOD LUCK looking yourself in the mirror, or at least not developing a nervous twitch, the next time you critize ANYONE in the following areas: deception, lying, tomfoolery, adultery, doing the dirty, nastiness, white lies and out-and-out scheming and lying.

Doe-Nuts, you know what to do. Because you rule. And you know I'm not giving you the Babwa Wawa treatment!

Finally, the Democratic Party has united! In a stunning new campaign video, the two leading candidates for the Democratic nomination for president, Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, have decided to give peace a chance!

This joint campaign video clearly demonstrates that someone, somewhere, must be listening to my political advice, for once, and STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS.

In this remarkable campaign video, aptly entitled I'm Fucking Obama and patterned after the infamous Sara Silverman video, I'm Fucking Matt Damon, which was followed by the even more scandalous Jimmy Kimmel video, I'm Fucking Ben Affleck, the Clinton and Obama campaigns have joined forces to end what has seemed like years of nonstop bitching and moaning.

So, please, let us follow their lead and get some Kumbaya up in this motherfucker. Doe-Nuts, clearly WE are now controlling this election. Let's use our power wisely, or at least score some decent bribes, er, political advertising dollars!

Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central NEVER FAILS. In this video Colbert provides his funny spin on former ethics crusader-in-chief, Governor of New York and Emperor's Club Lifetime Member, Steven Spitzer, more commonly known by his middle name of "Elliot," and Steven/Elliot's unfortunate, uh, banging-a-whore-for-money scandal.

As Colbert says, "If I had a nickel for every time I was wrong, I'd be broke."

Doe-Nuts, what is your thoughts on this scandal, Mr. Colbert, Mr. Spitzer, or the misunderstood Paris Hilton heir apparent, "Kristen?"

The next presidential candidate or campaign that whines about the other side's campaign is going to LOSE. I HOPE. Starting....NOW!

Whoever whines this election will still get the job, I guess, but damn. It's like we have schoolchildren fighting over who can cry the loudest over who got the biggest paper cut. Or always tattling to TEACHER (the media) about how Little Jack called her a poopy-head, or Little Jill stuck an ice cube down his shirt.

Even Little Bo Peep is embarrassed at this point.

So here's my message on behalf of everyone who is not completely on the bandwagon for any particular candidate -- you know, the undecided voter -- to all the people who are trying to sell us on their candidate...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If your name is Barack Obama, or Hillary Clinton, or even John McCain...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If you support any of the above three presidential candidates...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If you work for them in a paid, unpaid or secret capacity...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If you like them, love them, or, hell, even worship them...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If you are a member of the media, especially MSNBC, CNN or FoxNews...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If you are one of the countless political pundits who allegedly are NOT supporting any particular candidate, uh yeah, this means you too...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If you are a political site like the Huffington Post, Daily Kos, Town Hall and I'd put another conservative site up if I could think of one, so please don't whine about that, but, oh well, who we kidding, whining about other campaigns is what these sites do but DAMN, can't you at least for one minute of one day...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

If you are even following just a little bit this presidential election...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

You hear me? Please, I am asking you. No, I am begging you...

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

We have never witnessed such prolonged and intense whining about anything in the history of this country. Come on people, get your act together, get tough, stop the bullshit crybaby act AND stop embarrassing yourselves and, more importantly, the United States of America.

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

This is an election about who should lead the United States, not who has the more effective whining organization.

STOP WHINING ABOUT THE OTHER CAMPAIGNS!

Try some humor. Try some organizing. Try being educational. Try just being tough. But stop the fake outrage and the holier than thou bullshit. No one's buying it aside from the media and the people in your own campaign, paid or unpaid. Stop whining about you know what...and you might just win...this voter at least.

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UPDATE: Just got emails from all three campaigns accusing me of being completely right...about their opponents...and otherwise completely wrong.