Greetings and salutations, homies.

Today I just wanted to quickly introduce some new members to the Mike Doe Fu-mily, aka Team Doe, aka INSERT DOE-AND/OR-FU-PUN HERE.

These Fu-Blogs are just the first of what will be many, many more to come. Like famed Hollywood madame Heidi Fleiss, we aim to please. So whatever kind of blog you like, assuming it's at least quasi-legal and doesn't involve Dudes Gone Wild, ewwwwww, then you'll likely find it here soon enough.

So without further eloquence...

TEAM DOE

Mike Doe - world's #1 comedy blog, some day soon, I hope!

Doe-Nuts - coolest, funniest comedy fans in history!

Celebrity-Fu - celebrity gossip, satire and great photos.

Comic-Fu - videos of great comedians performing standup comedy.

Joke-Fu - funny jokes on everything.

Link-Fu - links to the best sites ever!

Monty-Fu - classic one-liners and hilarity of aka_Monty.

Movie-Fu - quickie movie reviews on the best -- and worst -- movies around.

Music-Fu - quickie music reviews on the good, bad and ugly music videos.

Twitter-Fu - honoring the best, coolest and funniest Twitter stars.

New FU suggestions are always welcome! And writers: EMAIL THE DOE. It'll make you feel good.

If you're new to this comedy blog and/or reasonably rational -- and is that an oxymoron or merely redundant -- you are probably wondering what the fuck is all this Fu-Business.

Well, I am glad you asked, my new BFF!

For much about Mike Doe, the website not the oddly delusional, only one t-shirt wearing comedy stylist -- where was I, uh, yes, the FU, well, and, damn, shouldn't I be starting a new sentence by now, punctuation is not a crime, Doe, anyway -- as I was saying, much about The Doe is NOW DETERMINED BY THE FU!

In other words...

The FU Lives!

Follow the FU!

THE FU-LOSOPHY OF MIKE DOE

Everything worth doing is worth doing instantly and quickly and prolifically and without too much thinking clogging up the works. This includes comedy. So make with the funny, motherfucker. The more, the merrier. Or be prepared for the life of the hobo. Follow the Fu, my friend. For it is your destiny.

Destiny denied is like constipation of the soul, or any kind, I guess. Ewwww! Yes, indeed. And nobody wants that, I tell ya. Nobody!

Now, seeing as we're all selfish human beings, intent on maximizing our respective lifetime allotments of booze, booty and song -- and, if you're here, I'm guessing -- FUNNY, too, how does the new FU affect you?

Once again, I am glad you asked...

• If you're a fan, aka a Doe-Nut, the Fu means LOTS MORE FUNNY STUFF!

  If you're a cute chick, the FU means YOU CAN SHOW YOUR BOOBS!

  If you're a dude, the FU means, uh, YOU CAN SEE THE ABOVE!

  If you're a designer, the FU means YOU CAN DO FUNNY DESIGNS!

  If you're a writer, the FU means YOU CAN WRITE STUFF!

  If you're a blogger, the FU means YOU CAN PIMP YOUR BLOG!

And finally....

• Whoever you are, or claim to be, the FU means MORE FUN FOR ALL OF US!

So WTFu, let's get on with it, shall we?

---Mike Doe

P.S. If you're interested in any or all of the above, please hit me in the comments or EMAIL THE DOE.

Major changes are afoot here at The Doe. Your friendly neighborhood and, until now, perhaps a wee bit obscure comedy blog will soon be sporting tons of new fun and funny stuff.

The oft-articulated, never duplicated, really-needs-to-be-implement-ated, Mike Doe Fu-losophy will finally be fu-lly put into place.

This Mike Doe vows! Oh yes he does.

No more details can be revealed...YET!

Let the media feeding frenzy begin...NOW!

No one is more frequently unasked questions by the media than yours truly. Every time a major event happens, you can bet on four things:

1) I won't be asked any questions by the media;

2) I will be throwing my hands in the air;

3) It will seem like I just don't care;

4) I will say something profound like "Shit happens, dude."

Below are some of the questions I am not asked by the media more than any other. In case you're wondering.

1) Who do you think will win the election? Money talks.

2) Why are gas prices so high? Supply and demand. Duh!

3) Is love truly all we need? Be serious, Wolfe Blitzer.

4) What's your opinion on this disaster? I blame the sun.

5) Can we send our limo to pick you up? A helicopter would be faster.

6) The camera loves you, Mike! What's your secret? Lots of water.

Shockingly, outside of the realm of the news media and bloggers who might consider linking to my website (subtle hint), I am asked many questions by Doe-Nuts the world over, and occasionally by No-Doe-Nuts. These FAQs include:

1) Are you talking to me? No hablo ingles.

2) Can I buy you a drink? YES!

3) If I buy you a drink, will you stop looking at me? Make it a double!

4) Why is your head so large? Deep thoughts.

5) Are you unemployed? It's noon. I'm at a bar. What do you think?

6) Why no job? It's noon. I'm at a bar. What do you think?

7) What hotel are you staying at? You mean motel.

8) Is that real? That's what they tell me.

There's a new tradition I'd like to start at this comedy blog that I have kind of sucked at so far...GRATITUDE.

Honestly, and have I ever been anything but, uh, ANYWAY, for real, this time, the most fun for me in doing this site is all of the fans, aka the Doe-Nuts, aka YOU reading this WHOM, classy, eh, I have had the good fortune to meet here and at Twitter, StumbleUpon and MySpace.

So to show my appreciation I'm going to regularly link to my peeps' blogs because y'all be some funny, smart and, occasionally, possibly, okay, almost definitely, certifiably insane people.

So let's begin with yesterday's primo Doe-Nuts:

• Adena - Leader of all redheads at Redheads Unite.

  Jessica - Writes the very entertaining Rose's Life.

  Karen - Blogger extraordinare on Ann Arbor real estate.

  JaceFuse - The Jace OF Fuse excels in daily nonsense.

  MissMeliss - The Java Princess and creator of MissMeliss: Excribition.

  Exoticat - The funny chick who always raises, uh, unique points.

  Bec - My official British coffee enabler.

  John - Runs the coolest running music site ever.

  Blas - aka Blaspheme Bourne, whose specialty is extreme cheekiness.

  Just Sayin' - New media gangster behind Site Insights.

  akaMonty - aka the Daily Bitch, my comedy homegirl.

  Evil Kevin Bacon - Because let's face it, I BLAME KEVIN BACON for just about everything else. And yet he still never gets pissed off or disinvites me from his A-List parties.

Therefore, as the unofficial Mayor of Doe-Ville, and, uh, you can thank the lovely and talented Nora Wheels for that one, I'd encourage you to do any and all of the following:

• If you're on Twitter, follow them all!

  Check out their sites and make poignant, okay, smartass comments!

  If you're a blogger, link to them all...especially ME, ME, ME!

  Get to know them because they are all legit.

As always, feel free to EMAIL MIKE DOE anytime. Unless I'm three sheets to the wind, I will likely answer your email. PERSONALLY. And probably even if I am. Three sheets to the wind, that is.

So peace out. I hear bacon calling my name. And, no, it's not the EVIL KEVIN BACON variety!

Mmmmmm...chocolates. Yes, The Doe ate them all. Photo by romanlily.

A great man once said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know how much you're going to eat."

Well, lately, I have been eating way too much chocolate. And chips. And fries and such.

Luckily, my metabolism hasn't completely deserted me, despite my constantly dessert-ing it.

However, it is time to get in shape.

I am going for a run this afternoon. I'll report back afterwards with some play-by-play. If I'm still able to move.

Doe-Nuts, any words of wisdom on chocolate, running, dieting, or, most importantly, la vida loca?

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UPDATE: Exhausted on the couch, but who can blame me? I just set a world 2-mile record. For the slowest run. At least several strangers slowed down to offer me a ride home.