Every young aspiring wannabe needs a sensei: that old crusty old master with lots of experience who can teach us the tricks of the trade. In the world of comedy, I am no exception.

Oh wait, I am the exception. But not by choice.

Unless you count my committing thousands of hours of The Simpsons and Seinfeld to memory, my comedic career has been sadly sensei-free.

Until now!

Rather than bitch and moan about my not having a Mr. Miyagi (See old dude above), I have gone out and hired the best damned screwed-up advice doctor in the business.

Yes, you read that correctly. Mike Doe is going to practice what Mike Doe preaches. For once!

And below is the initial talk given to me by my sensei.

Walk the Path of Joke-Fu, Oh Brilliant One!

Michael-San. You very bright, very handsome man. Your mother was correct. One day you work Carnegie Hall. No broom either. This time.

But first you must master the art of joke writing, or, as the ancient masters called it: JOKE-FU!

And much like the fish learns to swim by taking notes and then practicing what the other fishes do, so will you hone your talent by physically writing jokes from joke books. Some of them will be good. Most will stink bad. Like fish.

The good ones you will call your own and use them on stage. Amigo.

Just kidding. You will then forget these jokes, and out of their ashes and your own screwed-up life experience, much better jokes will emerge.

In the meantime you will be building lots of content. This will hopefully increase your groupie count, which, lately, has been sadly lacking.

Be off. Write many jokes, my friend. Be the joke. Eat the joke. Live the joke. It is your destiny. Duuuuuuude.

This is the way of...JOKE-FU!