Whatever You Do, Don't Fall Asleep First When Drinking
In life there are certain immutable laws of nature. These laws may be unfair, cruel, even ridiculous -- such as you are what you eat, or you gotta pay rent if you don't want to be kicked out -- but, irregardless of where you're from, your culture, creed, race, religion, yada yada, you violate these rules and you will pay the price.
And, shockingly but not surprisingly, it is often your friends and family who will be making sure you do. One such rule is...
NEVER EVER FALL ASLEEP FIRST WHEN DRINKING WITH FRIENDS!
History is filled with sad examples of what happens when you break this drinking commandment. Luckily, yours truly is blessed with the ability to not fall asleep when drinking, or at least to do so only behind locked doors. So far. Knock on wood.
Alas the blond hottie above violated the rule and one of her friends, most likely but not definitely a douchebag, made a buffoon of her.
So sad. So very sad.
And what about this dude below? He'll be lucky to ever find gainful employment again after his friends drew these wieners all over him.
Photo of drunken defiled dude by kayayusi.
This businessman clearly was let down by his friends. Or dropped onto the street. While he looks happy, clearly this photo will stop what was once a promising career in politics or mobile phone sales.
Future president's career destroyed. Photo by Rob_J_N.
However, let's end on a prettier note. Luckily this chick drunkenly crashed on her apartment floor rather than someplace else, where more people could draw crazy stuff on her and such.
Drunk sleepy hottie who broke the rule. Photo by miralemsmajic.
So what's the moral of this story? Well, it is NOT "don't stop drinking," for that would be a violation of everything we teach. But DO make sure at least one friend is drunker and sleepier than you. Otherwise, this photo below could be you! Or, worse, in bed next to you! Naked! Or in granny panties! Smoking a cigarette! Talking about going to brunch! Where your friends might see you! Or wanting to "PLAY IT BACK!"
"Yeah, do me again baby!"
Mike Doe
in The Book of Doe, Hotties, Partying, Screwed-Up Advice
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15 Comments
Reader Comments (15)
Thankfully no one has drawn on me when I've passed out. I luck out. I just end up sleeping with a random stranger. ;)
Is that all I am to you now? Random stranger?
I've never been so proud. The first-ever semi-confirmed random hookup between two Doe-Nuts! Hopefully copious amounts of alcohol and yada yada were involved.
Shylie743,
As Master Po or Paris Hilton once said, "Whatever is worth doing is worth doing with friends."
"Any thing I say or do on the internet cannot be held accountable in a court of law"
Warley,
Foshizzle. Although I'm curious what our girls aka_monty and Shylie743 will have to say about it!
Warley,
You were only a stranger for our first romantic interlude. I didn't think of you as a stranger for all the times after that.
Mike Doe,
I couldn't have thought of a better quote from 2 very wise people.
I've been called "wiseass" before but "wise" is another first!
I had "Abandon hope all ye who enter here" written across my lower belly in magic marker.
Of course, I wrote it myself.
Then got it permanently inked.
aka_monty,
Did you hear how two of our favorite Doe-Nuts hooked up? And it wasn't me and you! Please check out the comments in the When in Doubt, Ask That Special Someone to... post ASAP!
WHO got the hookup at MikeDoe.net? That calls for a drink and a hair-feathering.
Also I have "Fun Bags" tattoed across my chest.
*tattooed
Warley and Shylie743, of course. Allegedly.
"Fun Bags" is a pretty good tattoo. It would tend to indicate a proclivity toward motorboating, which four out of five doctors agree is the healthy choice.
WARLEY and SHYLIE? That's ALMOST like you and me! :) ♥♥♥