My Name Is Mike Doe and I Couldn't Monetize My Way Out of a Paper Bag Filled With Cash
There are many things that I am good at.
Okay, a few things.
For instance, my grammar is relatively decent, which makes my constant rule-breaking less excusable, if you think about it, but hey, rules are for fools! The true credit for this, though, belongs to Ms. Clark, my teacher from the second grade. Did you know Ms. Clark had a giant toy Clark bar above her desk? And she insisted we call her Ms., which made her kind of a badass.
And, no, we did not GET BUSY! You weirdos!
Another thing I do well, believe it or not, is play basketball. Yes, I once dunked a basketball. And that's not easy for someone who is 6'2". Uh, well, it wasn't easy for me so BACK OFF! Sorry, that's funnier if you scream it Adam Sandler-style.
My other talent is clowning and that's without having gone to college. For clowns.
Yes, clearly these talents have made me the man I am today: broke and semi-delusional. If you need proof, just look to your right. Yes, that dude is really me and that goofball pose was really my idea.
And the photo has stayed up, maybe because I'm not a designer or in touch with reality, despite the fact that 53 percent of new visitors say, "Who the hell is that...?" followed by the words "lunatic" or "weirdo" or, sadly, "douchebag," or no doubt would if we actually asked them.
Nonetheless, through semi-regular comedy posting and semi-regular Twitter and StumbleUpon pimping, or what I tell myself is "working on my comedy career," MikeDoe.net has developed a semi-regular, somewhat decent-sized audience of some pretty damn funny, cool fans, aka the Doe-Nuts.
By now you are surely convinced that I am, in fact, the one who is Doe-Nuts. If not, what's it going to take? Just read my unauthorized autobiography if you still have any doubts. Coming soon to a store near you.
Irregardless, as the headline would lead you to believe, I have made zero efforts thus far to, as some internet marketing douchebag might say, "MONETIZE this baby," with ads or affiliate deals or celebrity endorsements. Not a one!
You might be asking, "Mike, is it because you want to protect the purity of your lovely comedy blog?"
I'd like to say YES, but that's not it. Sorry.
Nope, it's more that I literally have NOT a clue as to the best way to do it. What I do know is what I don't want: one of those lamer sites crowded with cheeseball ads for crap that I do not support. Like charities or erectile dysfunction.
With those loose guidelines, I am throwing myself on the mercy of the court. As I've come to realize over the past few months, most of you, okay, all of you except for the one nutjob supposedly from Puxatawney, Pa., (no offense, dude) are, in fact, smarter than me. At least in the ways of life, business, relationships, and other such trivialities.
I am hoping there are some business types playing at home who can help me figure this crap out. I am not as delusional or clueless as this site might lead you to believe. Did I just call myself a liar? Maybe I am, but what the hell, it takes all types, right?
So please share your ideas for helping me start making some moolah. Do this and I will be one grateful mofo. Not only that, I will glady and happily and otherwise gleefully pimp the hell out of your site on mine, link to you left and right, and promote you on Twitter and StumbleUpon, all to the entire Doe-Nation.
In fact, you name it and if it's not too weird or too illegal, I'll probably do it. As long as it doesn't require me forking out non-existent cash, at least for now, then I am ready, willing and able to just do it. And so will Intern Bob. Someday.
As for the promotion crap, I'm actually semi-good at it so you might get some benefit from your good deed. Allegedly.
Feel free to email me too. Thank you for helping me bring home the bacon! The good kind, not the blameworthy Kevin Bacon.
Mike Doe
in Doe-Nuts, The Book of Doe, Screwed-Up Advice, Let's Talk
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13 Comments
Reader Comments (13)
I have no idea. I have the same questions. I'm looking at going a sponsorship route and selling weekly sponsorships to my blog. This would be along the lines of Daring Fireball.
http://daringfireball.net/feeds/sponsors/
That would allow me to make enough to cover some of the hosting costs, if I were to ask for $50.00 a week. The idea appears to be that you do not book to many weeks in advance.
Other ways of doing it are too complicated, it seems. Laying out for banner ads, optimizing for click ads, or writing for a particular audience, the pro-blogging about ferret training to sell a ferret training ebook, that is not how I want to spend my time.
I'm going to send this article around, and see who else wants to comment. Those are my toughts.
1. Make some funny tees and sell them on CafePress or Printfection.com. You mark them up and that's how you earn moolah.
2. Sign up for affiliate programs (CommissionJunction.com, Amazon's affiliate program, etc.) Then throw some banner ads on the side and/or links in your posts.
3. Throw some Google Adsense across the top, or on the sidebar. You can make a little cash from people just visiting - more if they click through.
4. Ask for donations and throw a link up to your paypal account.
5. Add an "Advertising page" and convince people why they should advertise on your site. Have different options for display banner ads, placement, etc.
Totally go with AdSense. I use it on a few of my sites and am working on getting it to pay my mortgage. It's free and easy, all visitors have to do is click and you get paid. Woot!
Audrey
What sort of traffic do you have to make money off of AdSense? Is there significant traffic at your website? I'd love to know at which point AdSense starts to make sense.
Alan,
Thanks for the link. I'm checking it out now. And that's the same question I have with AdSense. I'm not sure how much money that pop culture or entertainment-type clicks will bring in.
Audrey, any advice on this? Thanks!
Nathania,
I've thought about doing CafePress. I've actually had a few people asking about how to get my t-shirt so that sounds like a good idea.
Any guru-like advice or personal experience with those affiliate programs? The donations idea sounds doable too.
Thanks again for your advice and also if you're able to answer these questions!
Hilarious post. I love that you are asking us, your community for help.
Clearly you have a good thing going for you. One suggestions I would give is to run a survey of your audience. Take some of these ideas and put them into a tool like surveymonkey.com.
Even if you get 30 or more responses, you will see some interesting trends.
As what the community would want. However, be careful of asking "would you mind if I inserted ads?" The antagonists will be the most vocal.
You create good content. You deserve to make money from it.
Good luck!
Hey Jason,
Love the survey idea! I'm hoping to get one up over the next couple days.
Also I am hoping the Doe-Nuts don't vote for me to lose the "I Blame Kevin Bacon" bits. If they do, though, at least it won't be their fault. Or mine.
The problem with Adsense on a site like this (humorous, instead of product review) is keyword relevance. In one of my recent articles where I mention picking up a dry cow patty, an ad for a farm equipment dealer has been running continuously - not something the reader is likely to click on. However, I still use Adsense, and am just going to challenge myself to increase revenue via pure volume rather than relevant keywords. That way, I still enjoy what I write and don't have to modify it with oddly placed keywords (Mesothelioma).
An alternative would be putting up Amazon Associate ads, which can run simultaneously with Adsense - here you can have some degree of control over what is displayed.
Mike, I would highly recommend that you sign up for Yaro Starak's newsletter at http://www.entrepreneurs-journey.com/ he is regarded by many as the blog traffic and monetizing King. Mike you are 90% of the way there,just continue to provide original, regular posted content and use some of Yaro's strategies You will be making money in no time flat.
David aka TexasDave
I'm in the same boat--so I'm glad you wrote this post, it's given me a lot to think about! All I can say is, you have a well-done blog, and always keep it active with interesting content. I echo Jason: "You create good content. You deserve to make money from it."
Best of luck!
ever see this post from problogger: http://www.problogger.net/archives/2005/12/06/how-bloggers-make-money-from-blogs/
he has a few others that might help also
and, textlinkbrokers might be useful to you.
Marc,
Thanks, I'm a fan of ProBlogger. Will definitely check out the link. Getting some great feedback. I just need to kick some of these ideas into high gear, or first gear, really.