I Blame Kevin Bacon for Everything that Goes Wrong Today
Today might just turn out to be a great day. Who knows? The sun is shining, more or less. And I got some food in the fridge and vodka in the freezer.
Then again, today might just suck. And who do I blame? Well, the same person that you should blame for your troubles, wherever, whenever and, hell, whoever they might be.
I BLAME KEVIN BACON.
Need proof? Just look at Kevin Bacon's hairdo in the above photo. Dudes with mullets would be embarrassed by his lamer locks. Fabio at this very moment is lowering his head in shame.
It's Kevin Bacon's fault, ALL OF IT. So go out today and go crazy-go-nuts! For today you get a free pass for any and all fuckups. 'Cause I'm telling you, and I repeat, it ain't your fault!
Just be sure to remember, when the bouncer at the bar, or the security guy at the mall, or the local po-po ask you what the hell you were thinking, all you need to do is say...
I BLAME KEVIN BACON.
And you're free*. It's that easy. For today only.
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*Might not work in your area. Please check with your local authority figures. Also, the folks at MikeDoe.net will not be held legally liable for any shenanigans inspired by this post, even though it's the right thing to do. Mike Doe takes responsibility for nothing, as is his way.
Mike Doe
in I Blame Kevin Bacon, The Book of Doe, Pop Culture, Screwed-Up Advice
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10 Comments
Reader Comments (10)
Well, of course you don't take responsibility for anything. It's not your fault. It's Kevin Bacon's.
Any reason to look at Kevin Bacon is a good thing in my book, but this post just cracked me up. Thanks for adding to the good-ness of my day!
My 4th cat just puked in my sock drawer. You KNOW who I'm going to express courier those socks to. Collect.
He disgraces the name of my favorite breakfast food and he's goin' down!
I heard if you invoke his name on Blame Kevin Bacon Day, Kevin Bacon is legally bound to post bail for you. That hasn't been confirmed, though.
Shelli,
Truer words cannot be spoken.
Devyl,
No need to thank me. Just blame Kevin Bacon.
Caleb,
Kevin Bacon will pay the price for his crime against bacon soon, my friend. This I vow!
Shawno,
Did you ever think you'd write, "invoke the name of Kevin Bacon?" Too funny and well put!
However, as far as I know, that is still just a rumor, started by you know who: KEVIN BACON!
My wife found out I was cheatin' on her, and kicked me out, and my boss is her brother and he fired me, then my girlfriend dumped me because I was homeless and didn't have a job. DAMN YOU KEVIN BACON, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!
Chris,
Now that's the spirit. Just to be sure to itemize all your attorney and alcohol fees, for one day Kevin Bacon will pay the price for your problems...that he caused!