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Gary Coleman, Mary, Celebrity Rehab Star.

Gary Coleman just got married!

Now I know what you're thinking: "Whatchoo talking 'bout?!"

Needless to say, this stunning announcement has sent shockwaves across Hollywood! Gary Coleman, the 40-year old star of such television strips as Different Strokes, Surreal Life and Cops has wed unfamous 22-year old actress, Shannon Price, who, get this, claims that she never even knew Gary Coleman was once the GREATEST CHILD STAR OF ALL TIME.

Even more importantly, in Middle America, MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of eligible bachelorettes are crying the Never-Gonna-Marry-Gary-Coleman Blues. The news is all the more tragic since Gary Coleman admitted that this is indeed his first romantic relationship.

Yes, Gary Coleman, was saving his virtues and his no doubt gigantic "little man" for true love! Most likely, young Gary Coleman was scarred for life, like millions of his fans, by the Different Strokes episode with Dudley and the creepy old guy.

But Gary Coleman is past all that now. He's a happily married man, according to his press release. And that's just something we'll have to deal with, especially when their reality TV show appears on VH1 this Fall.

See also Gary Gets Physical!