Ladies, Gary Coleman Is Officially OFF the Market -- Dr. Doe NOW Available for Grief Counseling
Gary Coleman, Mary, Celebrity Rehab Star.
Gary Coleman just got married!
Now I know what you're thinking: "Whatchoo talking 'bout?!"
Needless to say, this stunning announcement has sent shockwaves across Hollywood! Gary Coleman, the 40-year old star of such television strips as Different Strokes, Surreal Life and Cops has wed unfamous 22-year old actress, Shannon Price, who, get this, claims that she never even knew Gary Coleman was once the GREATEST CHILD STAR OF ALL TIME.
Even more importantly, in Middle America, MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of eligible bachelorettes are crying the Never-Gonna-Marry-Gary-Coleman Blues. The news is all the more tragic since Gary Coleman admitted that this is indeed his first romantic relationship.
Yes, Gary Coleman, was saving his virtues and his no doubt gigantic "little man" for true love! Most likely, young Gary Coleman was scarred for life, like millions of his fans, by the Different Strokes episode with Dudley and the creepy old guy.
But Gary Coleman is past all that now. He's a happily married man, according to his press release. And that's just something we'll have to deal with, especially when their reality TV show appears on VH1 this Fall.
In the meantime, I implore you, please feel free to share your grief, joy or, yes, even your smartass comments here. Dr. Doe has helped as many people as Dr. Phil, so what do you have to lose? Doe-Nuts, you know what to do!
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Mike Doe
5 Comments
Reader Comments (5)
Dude, I know I'm crying big fat crocodile tears. Even though I'm happily married there's a part of me that has often fantasized about the love of former security guard, Gary Coleman.
Or not.
You have dealt me a double WHAMmy with your last 2 entries. My heart is officially in pieces. All these lost opportunities for love is going to take me at least.. 5mins to get over. *sigh*
It must have been for the rack.
Holy shit, did you see this?
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,331033,00.html
They haven't even had sex yet!
Like, the dude has some sort of kidney disease that stunted his growth, but you know, his member should be normal size. He's not MiniMe or anything.
And um, TMI for an Inside Edition interview, don't' you think?
Christina,
Gary Coleman wishes he was packing the heat like Mini-Me, according to Mini-Me. Poor Gary. Never has a dude so famous done so poorly in parlaying his fame into action with the chicks...or dudes, anything!
Hmmmm...maybe Paris Hilton could make a man of him?