Last Friday I made a momentous decision. As anyone who knows me well will attest, this ain't exactly easy. Usually once this happens, after a few weeks months of painful deliberation, my mind will immediately kick into overdrive coming up with all the reasons to NOT follow through. Which it hasn't yet, and fingers crossed, it still won't.

So, uh, back to the momentous moment: I was at the Local 16 tavern on U Street, feeling good because I was less fat (thank you, Meatapalooza!) and my inner Mike Doe said, "Mike, you can do this. Now's your time to do it. Mike, just do it."

Do what, you ask?

Well, my situation is: 1) I need a job...like 6 months ago; 2) I need cash money; 3) I don't want to work in an office; 4) or go back to man-whoring.

So, I added it all up and decided, officially, no turning back, to study my ass off and keep hustling until I get a job as a bartender!

I think it's meant to be. I mean, for years people have been telling me, "Mike, you should get a job. Another job. Now put your things in this cardboard box. You have 5 minutes to exit the building."

And I always did just that. Because I had to.

But if they had continued (or cared), I'm sure they would have told me that I should become a bartender.

And so I am finally following their advice.

I am going to make my living as a bartender, at least until comedy starts paying the bills, which could be, er, a long, long while....weeks even!

However, despite years of committed drinking, all I knew about alcohol was what I liked drinking -- mostly beer, cheap wine and mystery mixed drinks. So I decided to read up.

This past Saturday I went with Maria to the Barnes & Noble downtown. We picked the The Ultimate Bartender's Guide, which is really good for drink recipes, and Bartending for Dummies, which has great background info on all things alcohol.

Today I've been writing index cards, one drink recipe on each, and memorizing drinks. Or trying to. My brain's out of practice. But really I just want to know enough to be dangerous when I start applying next week -- maybe the most popular 20-25 drinks plus some how-to's of bartending.

Gainful employment....just around the corner...at a bar...knock on wood!