Naming Names: The Worst Christmas Movies of All Time
December 23, 2007 at 04:45PM When you smell chestnuts roasting on an open fire, or liquor on the department store Santa's breath, you know it's Christmas time.
And that means Christmas movies, whether new ones at the theater or not-so-fresh repeats on your boob tube. Some are classic, some so-so, and some are so damn bad you feel like putting your Christmas boots, or high heels, up someone's kiester.
Yes, Mike Doe just wrote kiester. Am I ashamed? Yes.
To get things started, I nominate Christmas with the Kranks. This sappy Tim Allen morality play stunk like a 400-pound pig partying in its own #2. Mmmmm...bacon.
So please fire away with your Must-Flee Christmas movies. And what the yuletide: TV specials DO count, so BE AFRAID, Charlie Brown.
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Reader Comments (6)
Turned on the TV and what was on but, shocker of all shockers, a crappy Christmas movie.
The offender: Christmas Vacation. Talk about cashing in on one decent movie to make a bunch of lame sequels. They're like the Matrix of comedy.
Jingle All the Way (1996)
"Arnold Schwarzeneger plays a workaholic dad who misses his son's karate advancement ceremony in the opening scene and spends the whole movie trying to make up for it. This entails buying a "Turbo Man" action figure, so hard to find on Christmas Eve that people are selling them on the black market at ludicrously inflated prices, recalling that bizarre Christmas in the early eighties when the hideous Cabbage Patch Kids were so in demand. Schwarzenegger eventually gets the action figure, saves his kid's life and wins back his wife's love."
Arnold's just this big bulky guy who gets in these awkward situations. It just sucks. I dont like it!
Is it possible I was talking out my ass in my scathing critique of Christmas Vacation? Twitter-friend and Doe-Nut, BG, raved about the movie in his comments on the all-time favorite Christmas movies post. And Rotten Tomatoes gave Christmas Vacation a 62, a respectable score for a goofball comedy.
Maybe I was actually thinking of Europoean Vacation, pure #2 on celluloid. Perhaps those damn vodka tonics made me go screwball. In the interests of accuracy, I'll review the movie (again?) and report back.
Mike, I have to say that Christmas Vacation is one of my favorites during the holidays and I love all the Vacation movies as well. It's just you lamo....
David
Texas Dave,
C'mon man, you like European Vacation? Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 42. Geez, even Head of State got better reviews, and that movie was so bad, Chris Rock's kids were getting beaten up at school for it.
However, European Vacation is like Godfather I (or II) compared to Vegas Vacation. That baby got a 9. Not out of 10, out of a 100!
Vegas Vacation killed Chevy Chase's career for over 10 years. He's never recovered. The dude had to go back into therapy after that movie!
--Mike
P.S. Everyone should check out Dave's site. He's a funny dude, suffering from temporary insanity.
Oh yeah, Jingle All the Way, sucks major holiday ass. Next to Last Action Hero, it’s Ah-nuld's worst flick.