Mike Doe is mighty afraid of almost nothing. Neither violent pandas nor damn dirty apes have scared me. Much.

But one enemy has taunted and haunted me for years, laughing and mocking me and refusing to discover my potential no matter how little I've tried.

That certain someone is the HIRING MANAGER!

They are evil and either ignore my applications, or refuse to overlook that I haven't even applied in the first place.

To avoid the trauma of another rejection (or, er, non-application), I have decided to turn to my old friend, Craig's List, for answers.

Without further Uh-Doe...

Crazy Craig's List Ad #1

DATE: Friday, October 5

TIME: 2:31am EST

CITY: Washington DC

CATEGORY: Resumes

AD #1: LINK

Cool, High-Energy Bartender for Your Establishment

Hello,

Thanks for clicking my ad. My name is Mike and I love the bar scene and helping to give customers a great experience. I am quick to click with guest and employees alike, and I keep a high level of energy -- and humor -- whenever I'm at work.

I am light on direct bartending experience, but I've been to bartending school (for what it's worth) and I barbacked my senior year in college. The past few years I've worked in marketing and I am very much a people person. I'm also very trainable and available to get started right away.

If you're interested, please get back to me with your name, company and contact information and I'll be sure to call you ASAP.

Thanks again,

Mike

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I'll update y'all here as responses come in, knock on wood. Hopefully I'll hear something good, soon. Wish me luck!

Oh, and I'd love to hear any feedback anyone might have...especially if it involves a lead for a bartending gig in the metropolitan DC area!

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UPDATE: Zero REAL responses...except for the naughty network marketing scam I mentioned in another post. Ugh! Time to get medieval on Craig's...uh...ass. (Need...more...coffee!)