« 15 Funniest Insults for the Drinkers in Your Life »

This is what happens when you DON'T insult your boozer friends.

As a regular and committed drinker, it's important to learn important lessons about alcohol consumption, including: 1) Vodka is the healthy choice; and, of course, 2) NEVER fall asleep first when drinking with friends.

The final lesson you'll get here is this: never leave home without first memorizing some righteous insults that you can use on your friends, or, more importantly, defend yourself with when someone rightly accusing you of drinking too much.

15 GREAT INSULTS TO MAKE YOUR FRIENDS FEEL BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES

1. He’s suffering from bottle fatigue.

2. He’s drinking to forget. The way he’s going at it, he should have complete amnesia in a week.

3. Who says he’s a hard drinker? He does that easier than anything.

4. He’s working his way down from bottoms up.

5. His favorite drink is the next one.

6. If it wasn’t for the olives in the martinis, he’d starve to death.

7. With him, every day is an alcoholiday.

8. He graduated magna cum loaded.

9. He can always beer up under misfortune.

10. He has the cutest trick. He walks down the street and turns into a saloon.

11. After work he always stops at a bar for an hour and quart.

12. He started to write a drinking song, but never got past the first two bars.

13. Give him a couple of glasses and he’s sure to make a spectacle of himself.

14. No wonder his stomach looks like a beer keg – it’s all he uses it for.

And last but certainly not least:

15. When mosquitoes decide to bite him, they bring along a glass of water as a chaser.

Doe-Nuts, please feel to assist your friends and fellow drinkers with any additional drinking insults you can remember, if you can remember any. Cheers!

See also Bartenders, Bikinis and Vodka.