15 Funniest Insults for the Drinkers in Your Life
July 11, 2008 at 04:31PM 
This is what happens when you DON'T insult your boozer friends.
If you're a regular here at this humor blog, more than likely you will be drinking heavily tonight. Perhaps you've already started. Well, as you know, we encourage that here at The Doe.
As a regular and committed drinker, it's important to learn important lessons about alcohol consumption, including: 1) Vodka is the healthy choice; and, of course, 2) NEVER fall asleep first when drinking with friends.
Well, we'd like to provide you lesson #3 on drinking, actually #152, but, oh lord, I got issues, uh, who's counting?
That lesson is this: never leave home without first memorizing some righteous insults that you can use on your friends, or, more importantly, defend yourself with when someone rightly accusing you of drinking too much.
Remember, a good offense is your best defense!
15 GREAT INSULTS TO MAKE YOUR FRIENDS FEEL BAD ABOUT THEMSELVES
1. He’s suffering from bottle fatigue.
2. He’s drinking to forget. The way he’s going at it, he should have complete amnesia in a week.
3. Who says he’s a hard drinker? He does that easier than anything.
4. He’s working his way down from bottoms up.
5. His favorite drink is the next one.
6. If it wasn’t for the olives in the martinis, he’d starve to death.
7. With him, every day is an alcoholiday.
8. He graduated magna cum loaded.
9. He can always beer up under misfortune.
10. He has the cutest trick. He walks down the street and turns into a saloon.
11. After work he always stops at a bar for an hour and quart.
12. He started to write a drinking song, but never got past the first two bars.
13. Give him a couple of glasses and he’s sure to make a spectacle of himself.
14. No wonder his stomach looks like a beer keg – it’s all he uses it for. And last but certainly not least:
15. When mosquitoes decide to bite him, they bring along a glass of water as a chaser.
Doe-Nuts, please feel to assist your friends and fellow drinkers with any additional drinking insults you can remember, if you can remember any. Cheers!
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Reader Comments (2)
My friend Phil resembles comments #'s 3,5,6,7,8 and possibly number 15. Those are quite good. When he's in the mood for salad he gets the blue cheese stuffed olives.
Jill, aka "Some Bimbo"
Phil sounds like my old friend Vic. You ever needed a drinking buddy and he was there. Vic was a classic #14.
Hopefully your friend Phil's drunk ass will appreciate these constructive jokes. And if he doesn't, what the hell? Odds are he won't remember 'em anyway!