Life is ridiculous. Especially mine. It's also short. Shorter for some than others.

That's what she said.

So why not have some fuck*ng fun? And vice versa.

At least that's what I tell the ladies. And everyone knows unknown comedians score lots of chicks.

My career so far has not been what one would traditionally call "successful" or "lucrative" or "paying" but I believe that's because I was doing jobs that called for me to do things I'm not good at: like waking up early, and not goofing off, and, uh, taking orders from The Man.

Well, they say that those who cannot do, teach. Or at least I hope so since my life's mission is to teach stuff that I myself cannot do, and some stuff I actually can, as the world's #1 screwed-up advice doctor.

And by DOCTOR, I mean more like a television doctor or self-help guru. Meaning no certification or authorization or credentials and such.

So I've been writing lots of posts that hopefully will make people laugh and, occasionally, even help people have their own screwed-up adventures. Or not screw up stuff. And vice versa.

My first piece of advice is to read this comedy blog. Every day. Obsessively! And to help kickoff your lifelong obsession with all things Mike Doe, below are some IMPORTANT details!

Name: Mike Doe.

Age: Depends on the girl.

Birthplace: East Coast of the United States.

Home Cities: Washington DC and New York City.

Height: 6'2", before platform shoes.

Weight: 205 pounds, after liposuction.

Religion: Whatever it takes.

Doe-Nuts: Enormous!*

Bank Account: Not so much.

Goals in Life: #1 Comedy Blog! Write The Book of Doe. Vegas, baby. Chicks. Break out of poverty.

Employment Status: Dubious!

Morals Status: Slim to none.

Drinking Status: Prolific.

* Made you look.